Happy (?) New Year 2010

It has already been an interesting start to the New Year. As mentioned in the previous post, we had a lot of fun entertaining Alice & Claire with Rara & Papa over New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day, while their mommy and daddy celebrated, and took a much-deserved break.

But the new year has already had a poignant development. My dad has a cousin who has been mentally and physically challenged since birth. To respect his privacy, I will refer to him as “M.” His parents and sister passed away several years ago. He has one remaining brother, but he has also had his challenges in life. To also respect his privacy, I will refer to him only as “L.” M spent much of his life living in the American Fork school for people with mental and physical developmental issues. When it closed, M was taken in by one of the teachers and his family. He lived with them until they were no longer able to care for him (only about 3 years ago). At that point, M moved into a group home for the mentally/physically challenged, located in Orem. Although he is in his mid-50s, we often say that physically he is in his mid-80s, and mentally he is closer to 4 or 5 years old.

My dad is the “family patriarch,” since all of the older generation is now gone. He and my mom (and usually Ryan) have had a tradition where they take M and L out to lunch and then shopping the week between Christmas and New Years. They had already scheduled to go last Wednesday, December 30. We had made plans to go to “3VE” with Kristin & Abby, so Ryan was kind of disappointed that he wouldn’t be going on the lunch/shopping trip, but he definitely wanted to go to “3VE” more.

As I also mentioned in this post, we rode FrontRunner (the commuter train) from Bountiful to downtown Salt Lake City. Just as we had boarded the train and started heading in to Salt Lake, Dad called. It was about 1:00. He asked where I was, and if I could go to their house and get some phone numbers. He said that M had “passed out,” and they needed to contact some people. That was about all he said. I told him that we were already on the train, and he told me not to worry about it

We went on and enjoyed our afternoon. When Ryan and Abby were making their books at the Discovery Gateway, I called Mom to check on everybody. By this time, it was about 5:30. She gave me more details to the story. They picked up L in Salt Lake, and then picked up M in Orem. About halfway between the front door and the car, M said that he needed to stop and rest. They stopped for a minute, and then proceeded to the car. M was having a hard time getting into the car, so L went around and lifted him in from the back, while Mom & Dad helped lift him in from the front. Apparently L felt like he was doing all of the lifting, and said, “I need a little help here, M. (pause) M? (pause) M? (pause) I don’t think he’s breathing.” They realized that he was not breathing, and was beginning to turn blue. L started to give him mouth-to-mouth, while Dad ran into the house to see if he could call a couple of people (when he called me for numbers when he couldn’t track the numbers down at M’s house), and Mom called 911. The 911 dispatcher asked them several questions, and was ready to dispatch an ambulance, just as Dad came back to the car. Dad said he knew where the hospital was, and that they were very close. He said they could get there faster than an ambulance could come to them.

They arrived at the hospital, and M was rushed in, with several people performing CPR as they whisked him away. Mom & Dad & L waited for a couple of hours while he was somewhat stabilized and a variety of tests were performed. Mom & Dad were able to talk with L about the possibility of having to make the decision to let M go. After a couple of hours, and several tests, the medical personnel suggested that Mom & Dad & L go, but assured them that they would keep them posted on any developments.

M never regained consciousness. Yesterday afternoon (January 1), Dad received a call that M was going, and the decision about life support would need to be made. Dad went and got L, and they went to the hospital together. They were able to sit in M’s room and talk for a while, and then had the life support turned off. M was gone within about 30 minutes.

There were three “tender mercies” that surrounded these events, for which we are all very grateful. First, M was with his brother and my parents when it happened. They were able to care for him, and know that everything had been done that could be. Second, Ryan was not with them. I have not given the full account for obvious reasons. If Ryan were there, it would have been a horrible series of events to remember, and would have likely stayed with him for the rest of his life. Third, M held on for a couple of days, enough for L to make peace with letting him go, and knowing that his passing was for the best. Although it was a rough way to start the new year, we are all grateful that everything happened the way it did.