Ryanisms

At a recent Sunday family dinner:
Ryan: “Mom, when you were little and did something bad, how did Rara & Papa punish you?”
Me: “I never did anything bad.”
Ryan looks at me with a “yea, right” look and rolls his eyes.
After a thoughtful pause…
Ryan: “Marc, when you guys were little and my mom did something bad, how did Rara & Papa punish her?”
Marc: “She never did anything bad.”


After seeing how long he could hold his breath in the tub:
“Have you ever held your breath for so long that you see purple dots and giraffes and stuff? And, like, milk?”
(Please do not report me to DCFS. He now appears to be fine.)


Trying to remember “pineapple”:
“You know…the fruit with armor!”


As Ryan and a friend were watching “Between the Lions”:
Friend: “We could make a show called ‘Between the Ryans.’”
Ryan (whispered to me): “He’s taking my name in vain!”


In the car during a pelting rain storm:
“It sounds like when you’re typing on your computer!”


About a guy I was dating a while ago (with a slight middle-age spread):
“He’s really funny, and I like him. I’m just worried that if he ever took his shirt off, it would gross you out.”